What I want.

It’s the new year, so it is time for new resolutions…to break. So I have been trying to think of what I want to change, what I want to continue doing, and what I want to start doing. So much easier said than done…. I could go with the classic, get back into shape, start attending church regularly again, the ones that we all make and do so well at for about 4 months and then life just kind of gets in the way. The other night at a beautiful ladies wine night with two of the most marvelous young women I know, I was told to make a list. Not a list of resolutions necessarily, but a list of what I am excited for. What do I look forward to come from this year? What do I want to look forward to come from the year? I have been thinking about this, and she did say it can be as broad or as specific as you want, but I am still having trouble with it. I can think of silly little things such as summer time, breaks from school, times that are inevitable to happen. But then I think back on the past years and what I regretted from the year, what I never did, or even tried to accomplish. So I decided to take this opportunity to make a list of, yes, the silly little things that don’t really mean a lot, but also make a list of things that push me to finish them. I have a lot of friends that keep kidding around about “giving zero fucks this year” but I guess I am taking the complete opposite route and taking this chance to give a fuck about what I do. (No offense to you lovely people who’s motto is give zero fucks.) I agree with that, in the sense that don’t care about what other think, this is your life, you live it through you, not others. At the same time I want to give a fuck. I want to feel everything that happens to me. I want to push myself, I want to fall down and get some scrapes but then get right back up and keep going. So. I am taking this list to push myself to care about everything I do. At the same time, I am taking this opportunity as well as the classic motto and not going to care about what people think. Not going to let others get me down about what is on my list if they disagree with me. Moral of the story, this list situation is showing me that I give a fuck about what I want for me. I don’t give a fuck if you disagree.